Archive for September, 2010

I am going to Hell

Posted in Daily Bread on September 28, 2010 by dunnthat

Is it okay to curse in church?

And I’m not talking one of the Bible words – which some say is totally okay to let loose, because, you know, it’s in the Bible.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s not okay.

So what happens when you become so used to cursing out loud that YOU ACTUALLY CURSE IN CHURCH??

For someone who simply cannot abide the “f” word that means “to pass gas” or the “t” word that means the same as the “s” word, I sure drop the “s” word a lot. 

Which is pretty much worse than the “t” word if I’m being honest.

Yes I recognize the irony.  I cannot explain it.  But I DESPISE those two words.  They both actually make me kind of nauseated.

WEIRD.  I know.

And say what you want about having a household of boys, my boys are particularly respectful to me about these two words.

They don’t say them.  At all. 

An example:  When number three was in the Brazil MTC, he apologized IN HIS JOURNAL for a lack of focus when he wrote something very close to, “I’m so sorry…I’m laughing really hard right now.  The American missionaries have just taught the Brazilian missionaries the ‘f’ word that means ‘to pass gas’ that mom hates and they keep saying it over and over.”

He wouldn’t even write the word in his journal!  What a sweet, respectful boy.  Love love…

ANYWAY, back to the subject at hand.  Sunday, during sacrament meeting, I actually dropped the “s” word.  Loud enough for the young, impressionable primary kid in front of me to hear.

I am, simply, going to Hell.

But here’s what happened.  I have one pair of designer sunglasses.  ONE PAIR.  And I just got them.  And they are pretty.

See?  Told you.  I got them in Havana/Brown Grey.

SO.  They were on my lap.  Then I moved.  Just a little.

Then they fell on the gym floor (we were in the overflow – yes, I know we were late, but at least we were there…as my second son says: it’s a pass/fail endeavor…if you’re there you pass).

Do you know what gym floors are made of?  Wood.  Yes, wood.

Soft, right?

I don’t know what happened – maybe the glasses hit the chair on the way down.  Don’t know.

But because the glasses are brand new and because I’m super anal about my only pair of nice, nice glasses, I checked the glass lenses, and SURE ENOUGH, there is a chip on one of the lenses.

You would have sworn, too.

A day which will live in famy

Posted in Daily Bread on September 21, 2010 by dunnthat

This is a good day.  A good, good day. 

And, as an aside, sorry I’m sucking so bad at blogging lately.  I truly don’t know what the dealio is.  For those of you who (Ha – I said yoohoo) care, thank you for caring.  I’ll try harder.

You may not realize this, but the word “infamy” denotes being famous for something negative.  So I figured that the opposite of “infamy” was “famy.”  A new word for your vocabulary.

You are welcome.

ANYWAY – a good day!  Sixteen years ago today – at about this very moment in fact (just looked up the birth certificate for the Driver’s License Division) – I gave birth to my precious Mini.  Why is he precious? 

I risk repeating myself from previous posts, but I don’t really have time to go through all posts about Mini to see if I’ve said all I’m going to say today, so, well, sorry if I repeat.

First of all, he’s just…Mini.  What a great kid.  He has truly exceeded expectations.

Next, and this is what I’m not sure I’ve shared, so, you know, come and go with me anyway…Mini almost didn’t make it here – at least to our family.  And because of that, I tend to cling to him even more than I normally would the last critter, which traditionally is a notable mother-clinger event.

Here are all the reasons Mini is our miracle boy:

  • Newly (my firstborn) was a c-section.  Second Son was a difficult birth and was dangerously close to being a second c-section – for many reasons that are kind of boring unless you really love me.  If you want to know the story, which, to be honest, I think is fascinating, ask me.  Now, if Second Son was a c-section as well, all my births would have to be c-sections.  If all my births were c-sections, I would have only been able to healthily have four births.  Mini is number five.
  • We lived in California until 1992 in a house that really shouldn’t have housed any more children.  We were sardined in pretty tight.  Circumstances beyond our control brought us back to Utah, when we honestly thought California would always be our home.  Moving to Utah allowed us to have one more child – space-wise and financially.
  • Four was an AWESOME number.  We liked four.  Four seemed really complete to us.  As a precautionary crossing all my “t’s” and dotting all my “i’s” venture, I thought I might just ask my Heavenly Father to put a happy stamp on our decision to end our family at four.  It took awhile, and, to be honest, some convincing, but my answer, whether indigestion or not (I wasn’t super sure, but decided I’d rather be wrong and have another than wrong and not) was that not only was there one more child, but one more boy for our family.
  • The answer I received conflicted with the answer my husband received, and there were many conversations that led us to having one more child.  This took time.
  • I adore my boys.  ADORE.  I was fairly certain this fifth child was a boy because of the spiritual experience I’d had (again, love to tell you if you want the story – just ask).  And oddly, complete strangers, as well as some pretty good friends, always asked the question, “Are you hoping for a girl?”  Innocent enough, but loving my boys as I do, AND knowing what I knew, this really bugged me.  Why would people – even strangers – ask me if I was wishing for a girl with my boys standing RIGHT THERE??  So, yeah, I love my boys.  And I am and was ECSTATIC to have another boy.  So Mini is also extra special to me because so many people hoped he was a girl, and I LOVE who he is.  So there :).
  • As stated above, Mini has exceeded expectations.  I’m just so proud of the young man he’s become and the man he is becoming.  If you knew him, you’d know exactly what I was talking about.  He’s just…good.

So why is today a day which will live in famy more than any other?  Today is SIXTEEN.  You know, the big one.  Today we get the driver’s license (YAY FOR ME!! Man that kid needs to be a lot of places) and from today on, little Mini can date.  Oh yes he can. 

This is good news for him, and the end of an era for me.  My baby is driving.  And potentially dating.  I don’t go forward with sadness… I truly am happy for him and excited about the big changes coming his way.

And believe it or not, Mini has started his growth.  He’s still not where he’s going to be, but it’s starting.  I don’t usually share pictures here of me or my family that show our faces, but I have to share this one picture from Newly’s wedding taken by the brilliant Rachel Thurston that shows all five of my boys (OH MY GOSH – truly, she is brilliant…and if you want to see all the photos on her blog from the amazing wedding day, go here – you might even catch a glimpse of moi). 

This is one of my favorite photos…almost of all time.  What a story it tells.  My boys are all within an inch and five pounds of each other.  This is what Mini has to look forward to.  I think even if you don’t know Mini, you will be able to tell from the photo that he is just – unique.  This photo was taken June 4th, 2010.  I’m telling you right now, Mini has grown since then.  Inches.  Seriously.  It is beginning…

I love that kid.  Happy Birthday Mini!!

Bad news for Santa

Posted in In the News on September 8, 2010 by dunnthat

Dr. Jacquelyn Kotarac (that’s MD doctor y’all) was really into her boyfriend.  He wasn’t so much into her.  At least not on August 25th, 2010.

On again off again.  That’s the way the relationship crumbles.  They just couldn’t get on the same page.  She wanted on.  He wanted off.

BF wouldn’t let her in his house. 

So she tried to get in with a shovel.

A shovel.

That didn’t seem to work (could she have considered, I don’t know, breaking a window??). 

Dr. Jackie (47 years old PS) then procured a ladder, climbed up on the roof, pulled the cap off, and slid feet first into the chimney with her arms over her head.

BF at some point in this process took off.  Outta there.  To “avoid confrontation.”

Chicken.

He should have stayed.  Because…guess how big a chimney flue is at its biggest?  15×7 inches.  That’s the top.  Then the chimney narrows to four INCHES.

That’s just not big enough.

Dr. Jackie got lodged into the chimney awfully tight.

Three days later a house-sitter “noticed a stench and fluids coming from the fireplace.”

The house-sitter took a peek up the fireplace and discovered Dr. Jackie’s decomposing body two feet above the top of the interior fireplace opening.

How would you like this to be your legacy?  You got drunk, you got crazy, and you died by lung decompression IN A CHIMNEY whilst stocking a boyfriend. 

Oh, and you’re 47 freaking years old. 

OH, and YOU’RE A DOCTOR. 

Who sees patients.

And this is how you’re known.  Forever and ever.

I’m not lying.

I weep for mankind.  I really do.

Spamalot

Posted in Daily Bread on September 3, 2010 by dunnthat

It is no secret that I am a “words of affirmation” gal.  Kind of pathetically so.

To this degree:  I get spam comments on this blog on occasion.  Wordpress recognizes these comments as spam because they are obviously vomited out in large quantities.

The spam kings are aware that most bloggers LOVE comments and positive reinforcement.  So their comments are always along these lines:

“I just found your blog and I LOVE IT!  Can’t wait to read more!”

And that is all they say.  But for a narcissitic blogger, that is sometimes all it takes… And then the blogger welcomes the spam into their universe by posting the comment.

The last spam I got actually called me “dude” so, you know, that’s pretty much a dead give away.

Now I KNOW this “bot” hasn’t read my blog.  I KNOW THIS.

But in the moment of reading the comment there is this tiny little thrill.  Just tiny, mind you, that someone I don’t know has found my blog and likes it.  And I am tempted, just a tiny bit, to post the comment.

Even though I know that this action on my part would just open me up to this bot for more spam.  And once I’ve approved a comment from someone, they are always automatically approved. 

Kind of sad, huh.

NOW, I know I shouldn’t act like this is a huge deal when someone new finds me, but I JUST LOVE IT.  Love it.  Especially when they like the blog.

Though this post is all about my pathetic desire for approval, I will use this opportunity to welcome a new reader – or at least a new commenter – KATHLEEN.

You now know how much I love that you found me and read.

And that goes for all of you :).  Sorry I’ve been a slacker lately.  I’m working on it.