Archive for January, 2009

Today I met Greg Olsen

Posted in Daily Bread on January 27, 2009 by dunnthat
You may not know who he is, but you’ll recognize his art.  He paints the portraits of the Savior that motivate me to be a better person.  I told him that my house looks like his gallery.  I waited until we’d talked for a while to tell him all of his art that I had, and when I told him, even HE seemed amazed…  It’s actually kind of embarrassing.  My husband says that too much “Jesus” in a house makes it look like the owners are “posers” proclaiming to be astute followers of Christ, kind of like the small guy who drives a big truck.  I can’t help it.  I love them.  And I am NOT a poser.

I went to Costco to buy milk… Greg Olsen was there signing his artwork.  And many paintings later, I think he’ll remember who I am 🙂 

The biggie that I purchased today (I bought several smaller pieces) is called “No Greater Love.”  It is the Savior at Gethsemane.  It spoke to me.  Profoundly. 

I searched the internet to find an online image of it, and truly, none I found do it justice.  I’m going to upload it here, and then you can come to my house to see the real deal. 

Try to look closely at His face.  His eyes are turned upward as he tries to right himself at the rock.  You can’t see it here, but his hair is streaked with blood.  It is POWERFUL.  I think the painting captures the moment without being too “angel-y” or too gruesome.  I am humbled by it.

I’m stoked about this…It’s a largish canvas Giclee limited edition, and he numbers and signs these limited editions.  I was able to get number 12 of 550.  Since he usually keeps the first ten of each edition, WOW. 

I have a picture of me with him and the painting, but since I’m still incognito, you’ll just have to imagine it.  And, I look like I’ve been drug behind a bus.  I really WAS going to Costco just for milk,  (do you know what I call people who spend $100 at Costco?  AMATEURS), and earlier I had cleaned out the central vacuum canister in the clothes I was still wearing.  Plus, I’ve been sick.  So you’re not missing much.

Anyhoo, it’s been a good day.

no greater love

Greg Olsen - No Greater Love

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New Stuff

Posted in Daily Bread on January 26, 2009 by dunnthat

So yesterday my dad asked me how much of the squirrel story was true.  Every.  Single.  Word.  You can’t make that crap up.

I started a new “page” system thingy to the right of what you’re reading.  There will be multiple pages added there of short fiction I’ve written in the past, and hopefully some in the future.  

“Short Fiction” is just a description of what I’m doing.  “The Tip of the Pick” is a short-short I wrote in a creative writing class years ago.  For you new readers-of-my-stuff, good luck trying to figure out how in the world my brain turns, and you previous readers-of-my-stuff, I’m sorry I don’t have anything new yet.  I’ll  let you know if I ever come up with something new. 

And believe it or not, I STILL have stories of yore to tell…I am a unique individual (read: odd).

Good news from the Doc!

Posted in Daily Bread on January 24, 2009 by dunnthat

So, I went to the doctor yesterday.  I have bronchitis with a little sinus infection mixed in for good measure.  This is not the good news …  Plus, the underwear didn’t help the weight issue.  Grrr. (For those who asked, DriSilque weighs less…news for you to use.)

Here’s the good news:  Many of you know that in my family we are quite impressed with our height…because, you know, when that’s all you have, well, you go with it … It’s kind of our “thing.”  Since high school I’ve always thought I was 5′ 8 1/2″ tall, and I’ve always fudged the numbers and said I was 5′ 9″ (see height equals worth theory above).  I’ve been afraid that I’ve been shrinking as I got older, as many do, and so yesterday, after the weigh-in (boo) they measured my height.  Again, I didn’t even want to do the measurement because I was afraid I was shorter, and if I’m shorter than 5′ 8 1/2″ I can no longer say I’m 5′ 9″, right?

I AM 5′ 9 1/2″!!!!!

It takes so little to make me happy.  Really.

The Luckiest Squirrel in the World

Posted in Tales of Yore on January 23, 2009 by dunnthat

We purchased our first home in 1984 in Concord, California.  The home was built in the 1960s and the kitchen was overrun with pale blue appliances.  This isn’t part of the story. 

It was a great starter home and we put a boatload of “sweat equity” into that puppy.  The previous owners opted to use the .23 acres of land in the back to become self-sufficient from the needs of the world.  They used to gather old wood shingles from homes that were being re-roofed and burn them in their woodstove for heat in the winter.  They never turned on the furnace in the entire time they lived there.  They had 6 chickens, which we kept for a short time.  Fresh eggs ROCK.  Until I was too grossed out to watch them eat their own damaged young anymore.  This is also not part of the story.

All available dirt in the tiny yard had been used to grow stuff to eat.  In one circular area, which had at one time housed a dough-boy swimming pool, the previous pioneers had planted corn.  Lots of corn.  Another area was home to various vine vegetables.  We chose to tear it all out and modernize it with…lawn.

We didn’t have unlimited funds.  Heck, we had near zero funds.  So, we raked and smoothed and babied and turned and topsoiled our patches of dirt and planted lawn seed.  We watered and weeded and sang to the tender shoots, night and day.  Every morning, the first thing I did was tend to my precious minions, hand pinching little two-leafed weeds by the hundreds from the soft soil.

Squirrels LOVED this dirt.  It was just right for digging and burying with minimal effort.  I hated those squirrels.  Brazen little creatures. 

One such morning I arrived in the backyard to find a squirrel merrily digging in the circular patch of young, defenseless seedlings.  I made all kinds of intimidating noise in its direction, stomping and “HAH”ing right at it.  It merely looked at me.  I ran at it, making myself as big as I was capable of being (much smaller than now, but still intimidating I’m sure).  With a bored glance in my direction, the squirrel loped off to our wooden fence and lazily climbed up to the top.  And GLANCED AT ME.  If it could sigh, I bet it would have. 

I WAS LIVID.

I picked up a stack of golfball-sized rocks (left over from the aforementioned raking and smoothing) and I HUCKED that first one as hard as I could, right at it.

Okay, so now let’s pause and review the problem with this scenario.  Remember the size of this lot?  TEENY.  And the house on the other side of our fence was JUST as close to the fence as ours was.  In this moment we can see that the rock throwing was ill-advised.

And the most remarkable thing happened on the first throw.  I HIT THE LITTLE BUGGER!  I sure did.  It stiffened and dropped to my side of the fence.  I ran up to it.  It lay there twitching and jerking.

Now I had a problem.  I didn’t actually want to HURT the squirrel.  I just wanted it to go away.  Forever.  And it wouldn’t stop jerking around. 

I started to panic.

I was shaking and very upset as I went to our next door neighbors, Bob and Jesse Mae, a really nice Evangelical couple from Oklahoma who already thought we were damned because of our Mormonism, but were determined to “save” us despite ourselves.  I knocked.

Bob came to the door.  I was still shaking, and visibly upset.  I said, without explanation I might add, “Do you have a gun?”

I would give a hundred dollars if I could see Bob’s face again as it was in that moment.  I think he always thought I was on the edge with all those boys in my house, and in this moment I’m pretty sure he thought I was asking his help to kill one of them.

Sounding as calm as he could manage, he said, “Sweetie, why do you need a gun?”

By now tears had started to flow.  I told Bob my story.

He tried to hide his slow smile, but there it was.  He said, “Honey, just go back in your house and I’ll take care of it.”  I didn’t listen.  I was still very concerned about this squirrel who was in obvious pain and needed to be put out of its misery.  I followed him to his shed, where he pulled out a shovel.

He then went into my backyard and found my victim, now lying very, very still.  He lifted the blade of the shovel, holding the handle high overhead, and in the moment before the blade was to drop and cut off its head, the squirrel hopped up and ran away.

And that is how freaking good I am at throwing rocks.

Introduction to “Tales of Yore”…

Posted in Tales of Yore on January 23, 2009 by dunnthat

It occurs to me, generally in the middle of a long story I’m telling someone, that I have a lot of stories.  The problem with this is that I can remember the most minute details of these stories, but I can’t remember how many times I’ve told the same story to the same person.  This is a problem.  Yet, I really have some GREAT stories.  Hence, the creation of the category “Tales of Yore.”  Here I will regale the two very good family members who suffer through reading this blahg with written evidence of said stories.  In this way, I can outlet the stories and hopefully cease to verbally overshare to those who have in the past merely politely listened.  Let it begin…

I need serious help…

Posted in Daily Bread on January 23, 2009 by dunnthat

Today I’m going to the doctor.  That is not the interesting part of this story.  I actually stood in my closet this morning preparatory to getting dressed and held two pair of garments, (religious underclothing), one in each hand, one pair DriSilque and one pair cotton.  I held them out in front of me and studied them.  Why would I do this?  Because I am going to be weighed today, and ONE PAIR WEIGHS MORE THAN THE OTHER.  That is correct.

Well, okay

Posted in Beginnings on January 14, 2009 by dunnthat

This is my first blog ever. 

TAH DAH!!

I’d love to change the font and the size, but apparently that’s really labor intensive on wordpress.  What can I say, blogspot had my user name already and well, I like the name.  I’ll figure this out.

Blogging…I dunno.  I’ve always had trouble with the concept because if you want to tell me something, you should send stuff RIGHT TO MY EMAIL and not make me go looking for it.  This speaks to my laziness. 

I also can’t help but wonder who the heck cares what I have to say to the universe…seems so “all about me.”  Sigh. 

And finally, blogging seems really “out there” to me.  My thoughts…floating in cyberspace.  Scary!  Let’s see how this goes.  This blog will remain anonymous but is so far public.  If you like it, feel free to share the site.  If you link me, I’d be flattered, but please use “dunnthat” to link me.

If you know who I am – yay for us!  If you don’t, you don’t need to know my name. 

How does that work for everyone?